Reminisce

The dark, dreary, cold days are usually the loneliest. They're just those days you don't want to speak to anyone or see anyone. All you want is to lay in your bed and be quiet. After the silence, listen to some sad music as you watch the minutes turn to hours. It's on these gloomy days we must learn to be thankful.

Being gloomy is easy, anything in the negative is easy to come by, it takes no effort. Positivity on the other hand requires effort and attitude. Gloomy days can be turned to days of gratitude if you decide. Feelings are deceptive, they change so quickly with that being said, we need to learn to adjust them accordingly. When you wake up feeling gloomy, start to change your mood by thinking about all the wonderful things that have happened in your life.

I spent my day with a friend yesterday, we basically reminisced on the wonderful moments we've had in our lives. I for one have met wonderful people that have each played an important role in my life and am truly grateful for them. Now, these people may have ended up hurting me in the end but I choose to focus on the positive ways they impacted my life. The people in your life that have come by and left have impacted you in some way. You have made wonderful memories, shared unforgettable moments, moments that you only dreamt of and yet, that person made it a reality. Yes, now, you may not be in the best of places together, and that's fine because some people come in our lives for a season and that's okay.

Instead of being gloomy all day, cheer up and be grateful for the people that came and left in your life, the people that are still in your life, the blessings you currently have and the ones you're yet to have, most importantly, thank God for our life. Develop an attitude of gratitude and transform your life.

This too shall pass

There comes a time when life hits hard, when the blows are painful and it seems giving up is the best option. When you look around and realize you're the only one in your army, when people are so far out of reach. When the pain of your mistakes stains your hands and the evidence is written all of your face and you can't escape. Other times, things just happen that you don't understand how and why they've happened the way they have and it hurts. It hurts like hell, it hurts, the pain is unbearable and your heart feels sore.

Recently, I lost an aunt and an uncle all under a week. In the same week, i was sick for days and the weight of it all was unbearable and heavy. The pain of my heart led to anger and all I wanted to do was scream and yell at the world. I was unable to attend the burial of my uncle or my aunt because of being sick. I'd wake up screaming most nights, I'm either being choked or being inflicted with pain in my dreams or half awake state. I'd look to the heavens seeking comfort from God and he seemed quiet most times. Giving up on him and life is way easier than it is to fight...so it seemed.

The greatest battle we can ever fight is  staying alive when things have gotten too tough to face. I don't know how many times suicide has knocked on my door and I have had to hold onto God's hand even tighter. When my feet could not carry the weight of my heart, when death seemed easier. Each time, a little voice would tell me something different to remind me that life is worth living even when it's dark. The purpose of life is not to live it blissfully and escape the pain. The purpose of life is to live it with the pain and show the scars that we have felt pain and made it through and we're alive.
I don't know what kind of pain you're experiencing right now, I don't know who you've lost, I may not understand what your tomorrow brings but I know that you're not alone. God is always with you and me, he is always with us. He is always on our side. You may feel you are not strong enough to bare the pain, the burden maybe too heavy and that's okay. Leave it at the feet of Jesus and ask for renewed strength to keep going. The point of hitting rock bottom is the only way left is up. Have faith in God, Isaiah tells us that even the youth grow weary, psalms 23 says "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me." Romans 15:4 "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope." God never stops caring for us 1 Peter 5:7 " Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Always remember "this too shall pass."

Are you a copy?

No two lives are the same and no two lives are meant to be lived that way. They maybe similar in some areas but they are never the same. God thought about the design of each one of us and how we are to live our lives according to our purpose. Purpose determines destiny. This is why many people are living unfulfilled lives because they live a shadow of someone else's, a life that isn't their own. They go around asking "how do I figure out what am here for?" Well, you ask the creator, not the creation as Dr. Myles Monroe puts it in his book 'purpose determines destiny.'

You are not a copy of anyone, you shouldn't live that way either. How much time do you spend with yourself? 24hrs right? Do you spend that time wishing you were someone else? If so,why? Is it because you've lost your family, or you're heartbroken, maybe something happened to you in the past that you can't get over and because you can't erase it the only thing left to do is erase you? I'm sorry that things happened and I don't have an answer as to why it happened but I believe you're strong enough to deal with it and be better. Your life wasn't designed to be a copy of anyone else's, it was designed to be lived by you and you alone. Your story is yours, you can choose how much the pain can affect you or propel you to draw closer to the one that made you.

We have the capability to do more with our lives and achieve greatness if we can only "step out and find out." The strengths within you and what you're good at work as a guide to show you the direction in which you should go. Ultimately, the decision to be made is yours on what your future will look like years from now. You have the capacity to live a fulfilling life, and that's not dependent on how much money you have but how many people you can help while you're alive. That doesn't mean going around keeping score of every person you help, it means being selfless in your actions.

Live your life from a place of knowing that everything you do will be great and that your life is in safe hands. Love yourself with everything you've got and love your neighbor as such. We live to share and help each other grow, that is the call of humanity.

Stay Beautiful.

Saved by Grace

For many years I swam in the ocean of self pity and delusion of happiness
The saltiness of my tears hurt my eyes and forced them shut
I could no longer see the beauty of anything
Beauty was a scared faced fantasy for the deluded and foolish
Would you blame me though?
Years of picking up broken pieces of myself and taping myself together all in hopes of getting whole
Hope was a painful sour word that left drag marks in mouth when spoken
It was sad for me to watch people happy
I felt sorry for them
For I knew behind every laugh, a thousand screams lay burried deep in there stomach
Many forced and faked smiles all made with transparent tape for the broken to see
Laughter was a painful way to grieve the loss of oneself and I heard the cries of many
How could I ever want to survive on this earth with this weight straining my back bone? I dare not stand straight
Hiding behind trees, shrubs, street corners was my shadow
Scared of what I might do to it, it stayed clear
Deserted I was
More years trickled Down and pain bore anger, anger bore fear and fear bore...death
Dead was I for I Knew not how to live
Living was an insult to my existence so cursed was the day a smile formed
For it hurt like hell to feel the dry lips stretch
Bleeding lips and swollen eyes where my everyday makeup routine
Funny enough, man was yet again enticed by my so called "beauty"
He fell for the swolleness of my heart and  mistook it for a big heart
I played along for what did I have to lose?
Friendship blossomed Into liking, that blossomed into love and for the first time I felt my heart actually beat
A seed of love had been planted and I was frightened
For it had fallen on thorny ground and it was inevitable that it would choke to its doom, question was when?
For months I waited for this little seed to dry up and be choked but against all odds it began to sprout
For the life of me I could not let this happen
No man was to enter my fortress and win over this heart of mine
The dragons guarding it awoke to fight this battle of the heart
If am honest, I Knew fighting was a lost cause but I still tried anyway
It was a gruesome battle and all the taped pieces were back on the floor, blood poured everywhere and I felt death for the last time
For something unexpected happened
The little seed of love gave birth to happiness, faith, hope, kindness and beauty
The spilt blood found its way home to a renewed heart and just like that...I was made whole
It was a strange feeling, fear left bread crumbs to follow but for the first I chose life
Living was far more different than I'd thought
Love healed me
Like a new born opening it's eyes for the first time, the light was too much at first but once they adjusted, I could see again
I could see through my heart
The world seem so different than before
So much I had missed and so much I had to learn
The biggest thing I had to do on this new journey was forgive myself
Forgive myself for clawing at me and despising beauty for it was not a curse but a gift
A gift to be treasured and I finally understood that
As for him, he left right after leading me on this new journey and it hurt
It frightened me to think what my life would be like without him
Tears streamed down my face and it hurt
But I found an even deeper love
One that spoke of new dreams and new experiences
One that would never leave
I was hurting and scared and on the journey to wholeness and had baggage that I had to drop off but he didn't care
He didn't care that I was still forgiving myself or that I was still healing
The strangest thing was that he took my hand and said "I'll do it for you, we'll walk this journey together"
My heart stopped for a second and I froze
I looked in his eyes and saw something pure and open and welcoming and I saw...everything
Not through my eyes, my heart but I saw through his eyes and in that moment my whole world changed
Fear, pain, hurt, anger, solitude all left me and there I received love
Pure love
A new beginning
He took all my faults and imperfections and gave me a new life